Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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