so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
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