I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize