dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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