Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
