Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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