Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
