my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I wear drunk well.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
