you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
