i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
