Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
