So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
