Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Houston, we have a squirter
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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