I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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