At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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