I think I can smell my own vagina right now
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
