Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
