Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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