hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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