According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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