I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
