did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
