I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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