Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
