apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize