She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
