"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
