we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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