I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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