You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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