laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize