You're so nebulous sometimes
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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