I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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