He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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