The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
