On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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