I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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