I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
