i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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