I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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