i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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