you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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