My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
