Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
