plz talk dirty to me
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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