3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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