she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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