i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
