woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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