You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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