Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
