Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
tell me about the fingering
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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