how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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