You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
