I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
