did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
