you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
