i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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