I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
