i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
