True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
