Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
