I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
