I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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