She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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