Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
