Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Church boner. Awkwardddd
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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