Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
