Cold hands, warm shart.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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