Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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