Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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