Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
