Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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