i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
