I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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