you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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