Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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