so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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