she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
