oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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